One thing I have trouble adjusting to is hate mail from readers. It always shocks me when someone goes out of their way to be hostile. I try to tell myself that it's not personal. That somehow my book pushed one of their hot buttons and that I really can't control their reactions. The bad thing is, I start worrying about ways to try and please everyone and that's a trecherous road for any writer to travel because then you end up writing bland, lifeless books so as not to rock boats.
I also try to remind myself that only one out of a hundred letters are hateful, but guess which letter I remember? Not the 99% saying how much they love my books. No, it's that one percent that stick in my brain. But we all encounter people like that in life, don't we? The folks who are so damaged that all they can do is lash out at others in anger.
How do you react when someone heaps unwarranted and unsolicited criticism on you? Do you have any tips or tricks for shaking it off?
As a teacher, I always face people who think they know all about my job and then tell me how to do my job better. When I ask them now long they have been in the educational system, none of them have a suitable answer.
ReplyDeleteTo cope with the unsolicited advice of others, I eat large amounts of chocolate, fellowship with my teacher friends, and do the best I can in my classroom; because no matter what others have to say, my job is to educate the future of America, and no just anyone can say that! (and I read a lot; sometimes you just have to escape, you know?)
I try to live by the premise,If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all.. I have never written a hate mail letter to an author. I might write about something I did not particularly like about the book, but it would never be mean or hateful.
ReplyDeleteThere are some people in this world who are just born with hatred in thier soul and they can lead others into their path.. Good thing I have never been a follower.. I like to lead my own path...
Stepping back is hard. Trying to remember the person doing the attacking has their own issues that have nothing to do with you is probably the hardest to keep in mind.
ReplyDeleteI like to think I have a thick skin when it comes to attacks (a product of being a member of the online world where hate, flaming, negativity and just being mean seem to be totally acceptable), but nobody likes being hated on.m For me, a nice therapeutic burning of the letter with a ritual dance on its ashes helps, followed by reading of THE best, most complimentary letter to remind yourself that for every person whose not happy there's another touched and inspired by what you do. To me that's far more important.
Nobody likes everything... but to touch someone, to move them enough that they feel compelled to share that moment with you... Not many people can do that and THAT should be cherished.
And of course it doesn't hurt to have people tell you... Lori? You're awesome! Not only are you a terrific writer who has written some of my favorite books, given me great characters in great romances and not only made me laugh aloud but get misty-eyed at some of those endings (with awesome consistency, I might add), but you're a fabulous, giving, caring, kind person. I've never met someone as willing to give and help and encourage (push, nudge, shove) others the way you do. You rock!
Oh, and gazing at that Best Seller list probably doesn't hurt any either. ;)
J.
Great advice! Thank you all so much. You've already made me feel perkier.
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Hi, Lori. The thing that's worse than hate mail is indifference. So you aroused emotion, even if it was negative. It's all publicity. And it's all good. LOL
ReplyDeleteTrust you to see the upside of getting reamed over the coals, Anna.
ReplyDeleteThere will always be people out there who are hostile in nature and their way of making themselves feel better is to attack and wound with words. It is one thing to be critical and constructive but another to be destructive. The best way to cope is to ignore and be indifferent. Their purpose is to elicit some sort of response and if you don't bother acknowledging them then that means they have no impact on you. Let them self-destruct. I strive to always have a positive attitude and if I have something nice to say I say it. It makes me feel good knowing I have made someone else's day. For hate mail, read it forget about it. Turn to all the positives and your life and rejoice in that.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, Lori, I can't believe that someone would send you something harsh about your writing - I love your books! It makes me wonder - if they didn't like what they were reading, why didn't they just stop reading? Go do something else they enjoy? Why take the time to pen a nasty letter - don't they have something better to do? Just keep reminding yourelf of all the readers like me who are continually looking forward to your next books - we completely cancel out (100x over) the ones who find a reason to complain. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other posts, and especially with something Julie said. "Trying to remember the person doing the attacking has their own issues that have nothing to do with you is probably the hardest to keep in mind." When people feel powerless in a bad situation they can attack others to have some control over something, anything. If you could magically peek into the hater's life you might be surprised.
ReplyDeleteYou're a great writer and I enjoy your novels.I can't wait for the next Twilight Texas book.
And what I really want to know is: are you going to have "Saving Allegheny Green" out on ebooks or reprint soon? Is just looks so interesting. I'm crossing my fingers.
Na,
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, but it's so hard to do.
Lori
I'd love to have Saving Allegheny Green on ebooks, but it's up to Harlequin. Of course I could ask for my rights back. That spurs them into reprints.
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you just have to remember that 50% of the people aren't going to like you. Keeping that in mind, remember when they are writing you a hate letter, they are leaving someone else alone. Just accept that they are unhappy themselves and want some one else to be miserable along with them. 99% percent is a great reward of people who like you and your writings. Just keep up the wonderful work and please us, the 99% who can't wait until your next book comes out. Love to you, JO-Ell
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